This is Hui Ling Wee's story.
Noah’s Ark, Moses and the Red Sea, Samson…these were just stories or cartoon characters to me as a kid, just like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty… but less interesting. Little did I know these were the first few Bible characters I came to know of.
The first time I attended a church service was about 10 years ago when I came to Perth to further my study. I was invited and went along because I had never been to a church before. I enjoyed the hymn singing and listening to the choir, but I was never really interested in the preaching. When I did pay attention to the preaching, I remember sitting there with my mind busily working, disagreeing with most of the things the pastor preached. I could not accept that their God is the only one and true God…How can they be sure? If He is a loving God, why is there so much suffering in the world?
Despite all the ‘disagreements’ I had, which I kept to myself, I continued to attend the Sunday service and was later invited to a gospel rally. To me personally, the gospel rally only further convinced me that what I thought was unacceptable was really unacceptable. During the gospel rally, there was a skit where a hardworking family man ended up in hell because he was not a Christian. But a thief, who later repented and accepted Christ, ended up in heaven. After watching the skit, I was even more skeptical because I felt that it was just so wrong and unfair. My understanding from the skit was that a person, no matter how good a person he/she is, would end up in hell if he/she is not a Christian; but a person, no matter how many bad things he/she has done in his/her life could go to heaven, as long as he/she accepted Christ. That was the ‘message’ I got out of the skit, based on my own understanding. Beside the skit, there was also a testimony sharing session. A girl shared how she left Buddhism and became a Christian. I remember thinking that certainly there must be someone (probably even more) out there who left Christianity to become a Buddhist. I was not convinced at all. Although I had all these thoughts, I never spoke to anyone from the church about them for clarification because I strongly believed that I was right and that they would never be able to convince me otherwise.
Sometime later, I went back to Malaysia and my friend arranged for me to meet with a sister from his church to share the gospel with me. I was uncomfortable with the whole arrangement and really hoped that the meeting would end as quickly as possible. I sat there listening to her, but could not concentrate. I did not really grasp what she was sharing, but nodded when asked if I understood. I cannot recall asking her any questions or voicing out the thoughts I had about Christianity. I ended up “accepting Christ” and saying the sinner’s prayer because I knew this was what my friend and this sister would like to hear. I did not understand the true meaning of salvation. I did it for the wrong reasons…I just wanted it over and done with, and did it just to please them. Since then, I had always felt guilty because I knew I had done something terribly wrong and failed to admit it. Although I did not believe in God, I had this uneasy feeling that I had “wronged” God. And again, I kept this guilt to myself. I think I might have secretly hoped that this God does not exist so that I would not be punished for taking Him lightly. I never thought of myself as a Christian because I never was. I continued to go to church for awhile since I was expected to, but stopped not too long after because going to church became a burden and not something I enjoyed doing.
I was “church-free” for a few years and was definitely keen to continue to be so. After finishing my bachelor study, I had the opportunity to study for my PhD. It was during this time that I met more Christian colleagues/friends and slowly the topic on Christianity began dominating our conversations. I was back to my “old self”, disagreeing with what they said about Christianity. But this time, I was more open to discussion and was encouraged by them to voice out my thoughts. I found myself enjoying the debates that we were having as they were not holding anything back, which made our debates invigorating. Through these discussions, I had a better understanding of Christianity. A lot of my misunderstandings were clarified and I began to feel that Christianity was not as unacceptable as I first thought. However, I still believed that it didn’t matter what religion you believed in, as long as it teaches us to be good. I still could not accept that the one and only way to heaven is through Jesus Christ.
At the same time, my friends would also share the gospel with our supervisor. Quite often, with my supervisor on my side, we would have debates on Christianity in our supervisor’s room or over lunch. Then, one day, after our regular research meeting, the topic changed once again to Christianity. And out of nowhere, our supervisor turned to me and asked, “Have you believed in Jesus?”
“No, I haven’t”, I answered. I was surprised when he asked me that because all this time, we were on the same side. I wondered what prompted him to ask me that question but did not inquire further. But “something changed” from that moment. For some reason, I was really, really, really eager to learn more about Christianity. Once we left our supervisor’s room, I asked if my friends would like to come over to my house to share more of the gospel with me. They enthusiastically accepted the open invitation.
I began reading the Bible and slowly found myself believing that God exists. I knew that I’m a sinner and could not save myself. However, I was still hesitant to take the next step of accepting Christ as my personal Saviour. One of the main reasons was because my family members are non-believers. My thinking back then was that if I were to accept Christ, I would be “separated" from them come judgment day and that’s a feeling I could not bear. I voiced my concern to my friend, who then said, “You shouldn’t think that if you don’t accept Christ, you’d be together with your family in hell…it doesn’t work that way. If you have believed, you should accept Christ, share the gospel with your family and God willing, you can be in heaven as a family and not in hell”.
What was I thinking? Heaven or Hell? It’s not such a difficult choice to make, is it? And all this time, I thought I was wise. Praise God that I was made to realize that if I kept rejecting Christ, hell was definitely where I’d end up in and I could’ve “dragged” my family there with me. That’s that “problem” solved. The other hurdle I had to overcome was my guilt, ie “accepting Christ” when I did not mean it. I had “wronged” God once and I really did not want to repeat that, especially now that I believe He exists.
I thank God for showing me His Love, Mercy, Faithfulness and Forgiveness. I thank Him for not giving up on me and giving me a “second chance” to accept Jesus Christ into my life as my Saviour. As I reflect on how God has led me to Him, I can see that He had been revealing Himself to me but I was just too stubborn and arrogant to listen. God works in mysterious ways in His time. It took a non-Christian to ask me if I have accepted Christ to prompt me to want to learn more about God. And now, here I am, sharing my testimony on how I became a Christian…something I never ever thought I’d do. As you read our testimonies, you’ll see that God speaks to each of us personally, in His time, in His way. He is always there for us, guiding us lovingly, knowing what’s best for us and what we need.
Do you have tonnes of unanswered questions about God? Are you seeking God? Is God revealing Himself to you? Is He speaking to you?
God promises in Matthew 7:7-8:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Hui Ling
